The All-Movie Football Roster

Its Friday night, my brain is fried from studying. So, I just start scrolling through Twitter. I come across an article about the best fictional movie songs. It’s an entertaining read and it got me in the mood to watch a movie. I decide to turn on Netflix and scroll through the movies section. I decide on Friday Night Lights.

And that is where this idea came from.

As I watched the movie, it got me thinking about my favorite players from various football movies. What would be the most talented fictional movie team?

So, I started thinking, and It slowly became more than just an idea. I began scrolling through YouTube and finally, I decided this had to be my next column.

As I began writing, I decided to establish some rules for myself. First, I decided to not use more than one player per movie. I figured it would be boring to read the same movie at different positions. On top of that, I wanted to talk about a bunch of different movies and this was the only way I could achieve that.

Second, I also decided to stay away from all-time great players. In other words, I didn’t pick anyone who actually played in the NFL. I figured this would be cheating and truly wouldn’t be an All-movie fictional roster.

So, with those simple rules in mind, I present to you with the players from my All-Movie Football Roster.

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Special Teams:

Kicker: Nigel Gruff Washington Sentinels

Movie: The Replacements:

Listen, if you have been reading me at all, you have come to realize that I value the kicker position. So, with that in mind, I had to start with a kicker and the obvious choice was Nigel Gruff. From a football standpoint, this makes all the sense in the world. Gruff, has quite the leg on him and is seen in the movie as being reliable from long distance.

However, despite his big leg, this guy is a total crazy person and there is no telling what he will do. He might punch a teammate. He might get into a bar fight or smoke a cigarette on the field.

But regardless, if he can act normal for 60 minutes a week, I think we got ourselves a kicker.

Punt Returner: Forest Gump- University of Alabama

Movie: Forest Gump:

Granted, we would first have to convince him that he does not need to go to Vietnam, but I think we could do it. Forest isn’t the brightest guy in the world, so I don’t think it would be that hard. We just would have to tell him Jenny would date a pro-athlete and I think we got our guy.

As far as football talent, the guy does not have a lot of football knowledge. However, it doesn’t matter because Forest has raw speed as he spent his entire childhood running around Alabama. He was born to be our punt returner. If we could teach him some spatial awareness, watch out Devin Hester, Mr. Gump is coming for that record.

On top of that, I believe that he would be a great locker room guy. We see time and time again that he can bond with anyone from any background. Maybe he could calm down our kicker and provide some comic relief when things are going south.

Plus, good stuff happens when Forest is around. With the personalities that we have, I think we could use some luck.

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Defense:

Linebacker: Bobby Boucher University of Louisiana

Movie: The Water Boy

We have a similar situation to Forest Gump but instead, we are going to have convince mama that football isn’t the devil. This time I don’t like our chances because. Well…. She is crazy.

If we somehow get past that hurdle, we just have one more hurdle to jump over.

The second hurdle is more a football based issue.We have to calm down Boucher just a little bit. Listen, I know that his edge is the passion that he plays with. BUT!! In this day and age, you can’t slam and hit people like he does in that movie. If we get him to just bring his anger down a little bit, that clears the second hurdle.

But in all seriousness, Boucher would be the perfect middle linebacker for our movie team. He is a great open field tackler and has a great ability to get to the quarterback. This making him a clear choice to be our starting linebacker.

Defensive Lineman: Julius Campbell T.C. Williams High School

Movie: Remember the Titians

This a straight potential pic right here. Campbell will be amongst the youngest on the team but perhaps one of the most talented. He has a lot of raw talent and I think It could translate to the next level. Granted, we would have to get him into the weight room and up to speed on NFL Coverages, but I think we could do it.

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Offense:

Running Back: Boobie Miles Permian High School

Movie: Friday Night Lights

This one doesn’t really need an explanation. In the words of Boobie himself,

“If y’all wanna win, put Boobie in”

Sounds simple enough?

Listen, I know that Miles suffered a torn ACL and that may have you a little worried. However, you have to understand that ACL injuries have come a long way since when he tore his. We would provide him with the best medical care and in no time, he would be back to high stepping into the end zone.

Wide Receivers:

With the wide receiver position, I had a lot of options. But in this day in the age of the NFL you really need two type of wideouts. I think I have achieved that with my selections.

1. Deacon Moss Mean Machine

Movie: The Longest Yard

You got to have a guy that can go deep. Moss is an extremely physical receiver with a lot of size and strength. He could really take the top off the defense and open things up in the running game for Miles.

Plus, I mean it doesn’t hurt that Deacon Moss is actually Michael Irvin.

2. Vince Papale Philadelphia Eagles

Movie: Invincible

Alright, I lied. I picked one player who actually was a real NFL player. But, I think I have good reasoning. First, it’s not like Papale was an all-time great. In fact, he was a walk-on tryout who didn’t really play any type of organized football.

Second, he is the perfect Wes Welker type receiver that you need in this day and age in the league. He is smaller receiver, with a lot of speed who could really open up things for us offensively.

Plus, if Forest Gump where to get hurt, he could even return punts for us.

Quarterback: Joe Kingman Boston Rebels

Movie: The Game Plan

Now, as I mention this movie, you probably don’t even know who I am talking about. Regardless, that does not matter. We get the Dwayne The Rock Johnson as our quarterback.

Any other Questions?

Practice Squad MVP:/ Glue Guy: Rudy: Notre Dame University

Movie: Rudy

On every team or really in most aspects of life, you have to have that glue guy. That is where Rudy comes in. He has a big heart and perhaps could give a speech or two at halftime when our team is down and needs that boost.

Plus, we have seen Rudy in the practice squad role in the past. He plays his ass off and that is what we need. We need our team to get good and quality reps and that is something he would provide.

Thanks for reading! Feel free to comment below with people I missed!

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